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DESCRIPTION OF DATING EXPERIENCE IN ADOLESCENTS: A
PHENOMENOLOGICAL STUDY
Chalsea Devita, Putu Nugrahaeni Widiasavitri
Universitas Udayana, Indonesia
Email: [email protected], putu_nug[email protected]
KEYWORDS
experience, phenomeno-
logical studies, relation-
ships, romantic relation-
ships, youth
ABSTRACT
Adolescence is a transition phase from childhood to adulthood with var-
ious physical, cognitive, and psychosocial adjustments. A romantic re-
lationship or dating is a phenomenon that allows adolescents to explore
their intimacy and sexuality. However, dating can also have numerous
negative impacts on adolescents such as a higher risk of being infected
by sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy. This study
aims to understand dating experiences in adolescents. The method used
in this study is qualitative research with a phenomenological approach.
Using individual analysis units, the participants in this study were five
early to late adolescents from Bali aged 12-21 years who are currently
dating. The data analysis process is conducted using Interpretative Phe-
nomenological Analysis (IPA) technique contains five steps. Based on
the analysis process, this study produced findings where there was in-
teraction in adolescents before establishing a dating relationship, after
deciding to have a relationship, adolescents would interpret the pres-
ence of their partner. In carrying out their relationship, teenagers have
values that form the basis of the relationship. In addition, parents also
have a large involvement in adolescent dating relationships. Intense to-
getherness in teenage dating relationships is considered to be an im-
portant thing, teenage dating can provide good or bad changes. Other
findings discuss conflicts that occur in adolescents and how adolescents
resolve them
INTRODUCTION
Adolescence is a period of transition from childhood to adulthood which involves
various changes, ranging from changes in the physical, cognitive, psychological, spiritual,
as well as social and economic aspects. According to Monks, Knoers, and Haditono
(2006) , adolescence is a developmental stage that occurs in the age range of 12-21 years
with the division of early adolescence (12-15 years), middle adolescence (15-18 years)
and late adolescence (12-15 years). 18-21 years). Physical changes are the primary
symptoms in adolescent growth and psychological changes arise, among others, as a
result of these physical changes (Sarwono, 2006) . One example of the physical changes
that occur is the maturation of the reproductive organs. Biological maturity causes
adolescents to have sexual urges. As a result, there is interest in matters relating to sexual
matters and also attraction to the opposite sex (Zanden, 1993) . Adolescent boys and girls
begin to pay attention to each other and in each of them a greater curiosity arises about
the opposite sex (Conger, 1991) .
One of the findings in Saputro's research (2018) revealed that many things
happened during the adolescent transition from childhood to adulthood. A period process
that all human children have had, is and will occur in a process of adolescent growth and
development. The world of youth is indeed unique, millions of events occur and are often
created with bright and positive ideas. However, not a few negative things that happened.
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e-ISSN: 2797-6068 and p-ISSN: 2777-0915
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One of the interesting things that happens in the world of teenagers is "dating" which is
experienced by almost all teenagers, although not all teenagers have experienced it. There
is even an interesting rumor, that if there are teenagers who don't have a girlfriend, they
don't have a complete identity. It cannot be denied that dating is a phenomenon that is rife
among teenagers.
Knight (2004) defines dating as a process of union or special planning between two
people of the opposite sex, who are attracted to each other in various levels. This process
can be a simple relationship, but it can also be a more complex relationship. Dating
usually starts at the beginner level and can develop into a more mature personal
relationship. This is influenced by what happened and how the friendship grew into
adulthood. In the life of teenagers, the status of "dating" or "having a girlfriend" is a
common thing that not even a few teenagers who have experienced dating. Based on the
results of research conducted by Retnowati (2020) there are 74.72% of teenagers who are
already in a relationship. It is true, it cannot be denied that dating is a separate
phenomenon among teenagers at this time. Crockett (in Santrock, 2013) says that
biological changes during puberty contribute to the increasingly integrated sexuality into
adolescent gender attitudes and behavior. Adolescent sexual activity also increases along
with the hormonal changes they experience during puberty. At this time, adolescents
usually begin to recognize courtship, namely the approach period between individuals of
the two opposite sexes, which is marked by mutual personal introduction to both the
strengths and weaknesses of each individual (Binanto, 2010) .
The number of adolescents aged 10-14 years in Indonesia is 23,057, then there are
22,294 people aged 15-19, and 20-24 years as many as 21,917 people (BPS., 2020) .
Furthermore, based on BKKBN data (2017) it was found that unmarried young women
(aged 15-19 years) had carried out several activities such as holding hands as much as
55.6%, hugging 10.2%, kissing lips 21.4%, fingering or touched 3.7%, and premarital
sexual experience 0.9%, it was also found that young women aged 20-24 years had held
hands 81%, hugged 30.5%, kissed lips 48.5%, touched/touched 9 .7%, and 2.6%
premarital sexual experience. The same thing happened to unmarried boys (age 15-19
years), where it was found that 66.4% of boys had held hands, hugged 21.1%, kissed lips
36.8%, touched / touched 13.2%, and premarital sexual experience 3.6%, while aged 20-
24 years had held hands 88.8%, hugged 51.4%, kissed lips 69.4%, touched / touched 34.4
%, and 14.0% premarital sexual experience.
The province of Bali has characteristics that are different from other regions in
Indonesia. One of these characteristics is its openness. As a tourist destination, Bali must
be open. As a result of this openness, various external influences play a role in the
development of society there. Patterns of interpersonal relationships are also expected to
be affected, one of which is the pattern of dating relationships. In Bali it is estimated that
there are 999 thousand teenagers or 23.52% of the total population of Bali (Provincial
Health Office, 2017). The city of Denpasar has a total of 240.8 thousand teenagers or
26.34% of the total population of Denpasar (Central Bureau of Statistics, 2017). The
nature of Bali that is open to foreign cultures can also make it easier for foreign cultures
to influence Balinese society, as a result it can form new lifestyles for teenagers such as
changing ways of life, tastes, social interactions and perceptions about images and also
dating experiences (Khairunnisa, 2013) . There is a possibility that cases of dating among
teenagers in Bali can increase and with changes in perceptions about dating teenagers, it
is necessary to conduct research on the experience of dating among teenagers in Bali.
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Another risk caused by dating relationships is premarital sex, which is vulnerable
to the effects of teenage girls. These impacts include the risk of contracting sexually
transmitted infections and contracting HIV/AIDS, drug use, psychological disorders
which have implications for decreased self-confidence and stress, unwanted pregnancies,
and abortions (Ahiyanasari & Nurmala, 2017) . World Health Organization (WHO) data
shows that in 2018 in developing countries there are 21 million female adolescents aged
15-19 who experience pregnancy every year and 49% of them are unwanted pregnancies.
This pregnancy can cause the death of mother and baby. Between 2010-2014 there were
35 intentional abortions per 1000 women aged 15-44 years. Abortions are often carried
out as a result of unwanted pregnancies (WHO, 2018) .
Previous studies that have been conducted found that a total of 62 (sixty-two)
respondents were in a dating relationship with a dating age of 1 (one) month to a
maximum of 6 (six) years. The results of the preliminary study have been carried out and
found that the positive and negative impacts felt among adolescents in Bali also vary, in
which respondents said that dating itself has a positive impact that arises from a
relationship of mutual trust and mutual support, namely helping in terms of the process
of maturing oneself, overcoming feeling lonely, having loyal listeners and getting more
attention from others. Some also mention that the current dating behavior of teenagers is
more unhealthy (Devita, 2022) .
The results of the preliminary study state that many relationships are influenced by
Western culture which is different from the culture in Indonesia and have sexual relations.
Sexual intercourse and kissing are seen as behaviors that should be carried out by adults
who are bound by a marriage relationship and are not carried out by teenagers in
Indonesian culture. There was one respondent who admitted that his courtship was
"unhealthy". Some also say that there is a toxic dating relationship where they no longer
communicate in a healthy manner and it leads to violence (Devita, 2022) .
Through the explanation above, it can be seen that there is an overview of the
experience of dating teenagers which can then lead to negative and positive things. This
study aims to find out and dig deeper about the experience of dating in adolescents.
RESEARCH METHOD
The method used in this study is a qualitative research method with a phenomeno-
logical approach. Collecting data directly from the field where the respondent experi-
enced the problem or problem under study. This additional sampling technique is called
snowball sampling. In this study, data mining techniques will be carried out by interviews
and observations supported by the process of recording information in the form of field
notes. The interview process produces data in the form of video and audio recordings
which are converted into a verbatim document format by typing every word of the re-
spondent's recorded speech. Important findings during field interviews were also recorded
using field notes which were carried out in each interview session. The data analysis used
in this study is based on the Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis technique. There
are several credibility test methods that can be used by researchers, including extended
participation, observation persistence, triangulation, peer checking, referential adequacy,
negative case review, and member checking. Data validity can also be done with triangu-
lation techniques. Triangulation aims to check the correctness of certain data by making
comparisons between data obtained from other sources at various research phases at dif-
ferent times or comparing two research results with different techniques. Aspects that
must be included in the informed consent based on the Indonesian psychology code of
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ethics are research objectives, timeframe and procedures, risks, inconveniences, benefits,
the right to withdraw from participation and resign, the consequences that may arise from
resignation, limitations of confidentiality, incentives for respondents, and who can be
contacted to obtain further information.
RESULT AND DISCUSSION
Subject Characteristics
This research involved five teenagers who live in Bali. The characteristics of the
respondents in this study focused on teenagers who were in a dating relationship. All
respondents were dating and aged 12-21 years. The search for respondents is based on
these characteristics so that there are specific criteria that must be met to become
respondents in the study.
The first respondent, AJ, is 20 years old and belongs to the late teens category. AJ
is a medical graduate who is currently attending a professional or medical program at a
hospital in Bali. Currently, AJ lives alone in Denpasar, while his parents live in his
hometown, the Singaraja area. AJ has been in a dating relationship 4 times, and this is the
5th relationship he is currently in. Currently, AJ's relationship has been going on for 6
months and is undergoing a long-distance relationship with his girlfriend.
The second respondent is RC, who is 17 years old and belongs to the
middle/middle youth category. RC is one of the students who is studying for class XII at
a senior high school in Padangsambian, Denpasar. The respondent currently lives with
his parents and one younger sibling. RC has been in a dating relationship before once,
and this is the second relationship he is in. Currently the RC relationship has been running
for 3 years.
The third respondent is AV, who is 20 years old and belongs to the late adolescent
category. AV is a student majoring in psychology at a university in Bali. Currently AV
lives with his parents and two younger siblings. AV has had 2 previous courtships, and
this is the 3rd relationship he is currently in. Currently, AV's relationship with his partner
has been going on for 1 year.
The fourth respondent, namely MN, is 21 years old and belongs to the late
adolescent category. MN is a student majoring in psychology at a university in Bali.
Currently MN lives with his parents and one older sister. MN has had 7 previous
courtships, and this is the 8th relationship she has been in. MN's relationship with her
current partner has been going on for 1 year.
The fifth respondent is JT, who is 14 years old and belongs to the early adolescent
category. JT is a cheerful and cheerful person. Currently, JT is studying for class VIII at
a junior high school in Denpasar. The respondent currently lives with his parents and one
younger sibling. This is the first time JT has had a dating relationship and currently her
dating relationship has been going on for 1 year.
Data Organizing
The process of organizing the data is done by grouping the data based on the
respondent's code which is collected in an orderly manner so that it makes it easier for
the researcher to find the required data. Interview data obtained in the form of audio
recordings were stored in each respondent's folder with the title "AU" which was then
converted into verbatim form. Verbatim contains recorded data that has been typed into
written data by listening to the interview recording data as a whole .
Observations made during the interview process took place by recording important
points related to non-verbal responses shown by respondents. When the interview process
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has ended, the observational data that has been recorded in the form of points is then
complemented by recalling the interview process that has taken place and recorded in the
form of field notes. The complete data is then transferred by typing it into a word
document on the computer. After being in the form of documents, verbatim and fieldnotes
were given codes and entered into each folder named "Verbatim" and "Fieldnote" in each
respondent's folder. The codes in verbatim and fieldnote documents serve to make it
easier for researchers to group and find these data in folders.
Writing codes for respondent data in this study begins with the type of data
(verbatim/fieldnote), and the respondent's code along with the data sequence. (Example:
VB_AJ_01 or FN_AJ_01). The data organizing code data is contained in the following
table:
Table 1 Audio Data Code, Verbatim and Fieldnote
Respondent
Code
Data
Retrieval
Method
Verbatim
Code
Fieldnote
code
Audio
Code
AJ
Interview
VB_AJ_01
FN_AJ_01
AU_AJ_01
VB_AJ_01
FN_AJ_02
AU_AJ_02
RC
Interview
VB_RC_01
FN_RC_01
AU_RC_01
VB_RC_02
FN_RC_02
AU_RC_02
AV
Interview
VB_AV_01
FN_AV_01
AU_AV_01
VB_AV_02
FN_AV_02
AU_AV_02
M N
Interview
VB_MN_01
FN_MN_01
AU_MN_01
VB_MN_02
FN_MN_02
AU_MN_02
JT
Interview
VB_JT_01
FN_JT_01
AU_JT_01
VB_JT_02
FN_JT_02
AU_JT_02
Dynamics of Interaction Before Establishing a Relationship
a. Interest
Establishing a relationship with someone new requires compatibility in many ways.
Before feeling compatible, this manifests as a feeling of interest in things that belong to
or exist in the opposite sex. Based on the respondents' speech, there is a feeling of interest
in establishing a relationship based on several things such as physical tastes or
communication style.
"She's also beautiful physically, so at first she was beautiful" (VB_RC_01_135)
"Yes, first of all, I have to be comfortable with him, comfortable in the sense that
he's easy to talk to and so on, and what frequency do we talk about like that"
(VB_MN_01_144-145)
"But that's okay if you find the right criteria, it's not going to happen, we'll see again
like that" (VB_AV_01_224-226)
The feeling of interest in having a relationship also arises for partners after going through
several interactions, both intentional and those that occur due to close distance.
“[...] Right, I asked him for help to send it to his class group PSKM, so from there I
DMed him asking for that help, introduced myself after that, yes, it was connected
from there, after that we met, then after meeting asking for line, I've moved to chat
line, after that, ummm at first it was like oh we went out to meet for assignments just
like that. That was the beginning of the stories, the end, okay, [...]” (VB_MN_01_87-
135)
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"So at first, eeee, I've been friends with my boyfriend from elementary school, we
went to elementary school together and went to junior high at the same place. Then
the moment that made us close was when MOS was at school, it just so happened
that I was with him in a group so I often worked in groups together, and because my
house was close to his house he liked to go home together because I happened to be
picked up so that's all. Umm then we often chat and continue because the people are
fun and cool too. After all, I just feel that I like him." (VB_JT_01_126-131)
b. A certain process of establishing a relationship
After feeling that you are in accordance with your partner and want to start a relationship,
there are certain behaviors that are a sign that the relationship has begun. According to
RC's story, each partner has a commitment that changes their status from friends to
girlfriends.
"Between the opposite sex, men and women, it's like I like him, he likes me, so there's
reciprocity, we both have a commitment to have a relationship not only as friends
but as girlfriends" (VB_RC_01_39-41)
According to AJ, there is a process of declaration where each partner states that their
partner is now their girlfriend.
"Erm, what do you think, I think it's normal, like, think of a friend, eee, a relationship
like that, think of it like I'm declaring I have a friend, I'm declaring I have a
boyfriend, so it's like just declaring a relationship like that" (VB_AJ_01_57-59)
Meanwhile, based on JT's speech, there is a process of expressing feelings before a
courtship relationship begins.
"Because I like him, I just shoot him." (VB_JT_01_132)
c. Have partner criteria
The beginning of a relationship is compatibility in various ways. One of them is the
suitability of the characteristics of the prospective partner with the tastes they have. The
criteria that are owned by each individual in a partner are of course different, but this
shows that there is a condition that must be met to choose someone to be a boyfriend.
"Commitment, seriously, I also want to find a life partner that I can make a
commitment to, hee'eh" (VB_AV_01_202-203)
"Maybe it's just as simple as in general, like one religion, he can later be accepted
well" (VB_RC_01_143-144)
The partner criterion owned by AV respondents is commitment, where this must be
fulfilled first so that AV respondents can make a decision whether that person can be
made a partner. Whereas for the RC respondent, the criterion is a person who adheres to
the same religion as himself.
d. Have a reason to be in a relationship
Establishing a courtship relationship is uniting two individuals in a bond which in that
bond has certain goals that can be set together. However, there may also be reasons why
individuals want to establish a relationship that will later achieve certain goals.
Researchers found that there were various types of reasons why respondents wanted and
decided to date.
"I think that person already knows what his goal is. What's the point of having a
girlfriend. Sometimes there are people who just act like that for fun, like they don't
know, like they don't know. I think there has to be intensity, you mean there has to
be a goal first, so what do you do with the cake, then where do you want to take it
like that. That's what I think” (VB_AJ_01_86-91)
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" Yeah, I'm just curious about what it's like to be dating and why all of my friends
are already dating like that" (VB_JT_01_104-105)
" The similarity ... ummm in my opinion both of us avoid feeling lonely anyway"
(VB_MN_01_70-71 )
Based on several statements from respondents, it was found that respondent AJ was
interested in having a relationship because he already had a purpose in the dating
relationship, he was in. Furthermore, respondent JT revealed that he was curious about
dating relationships, so he decided to try dating relationships. Unlike the case with MN
respondents who felt that the reason for being in a relationship was to avoid feeling lonely.
Meaning Presence Boyfriend
Being in a dating relationship is bringing together two people with many different values
to achieve something they want together. Uniting different values is a difficult thing to
do, especially when these values contradict one another. These differences in values can
create a sense of complementarity which in turn can lead to positive meanings related to
the presence of a girlfriend. Based on the respondents' narratives, the researcher found
that they interpret the presence of a girlfriend as something positive where the presence
of a new person can provide a change in self, so that individuals can receive input or
other, more positive perspectives related to dating relationships. A girlfriend is interpreted
as an individual who is able to become a storyteller without any limitations, whether it's
in telling happiness or complaints. This positive interpretation is formed through the
various feelings that are felt when being together.
“Because he makes me comfortable” (VB_RC_01_127)
“Always excited every day” (VB_AV_01_160)
"Hmmm, so it looks like there's something to look forward to" (VB_AJ_01_202)
"Eee, I'm happy when we're playing games together sis, then what's the name eee...
it's like chatting together... so what else? Ummm it's nice when eee goes out to eat
together. Yes, together with him, I'm happy, I'm happy” (VB_JT_02_78-80)
This positive meaning is also shown by the existence of positive feelings even though
they are not together but have a good effect on daily life.
"So automatically I have more motivation too, so yes the positive impact is that I'm
happier and more motivated to live life" (VB_MN_01_265-266)
"On a positive note, there is enthusiasm, what if I do activities every day, I'm
enthusiastic, I'm excited, what's the impact, he also helps me so I can keep moving
forward" (VB_AV_01_171-173)
“[…] Then the second one, maybe from a mental perspective, I feel healthier,
because it's like I'm not doing anything alone, in the sense that when I'm having a
hard time, I have someone to accompany me. Even if I'm happy there's a place for
me like that. So like this, I'm afraid, oh, I'm really afraid that I'll be remed up for
exams, but after I have a boyfriend, it's okay, how come I'm remed like that, what's
the matter anyway... I still have a boyfriend like that, uh, what do you mean, like,
it's okay, it's okay, it's not a bad thing it's really ugly like that because...because if I
experience something bad I can share it with people like that it can be reduced by
half, you feel like the burden is like being mentally healthier because there are
people like me... I share those complaints. Then what else… maybe eee… emm…
maybe those are the two points of the positive impact that I feel the most”
(VB_AJ_01_357-376)
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Values Embedded in Relationships
a. The values shared by men
Men are considered as a gender that has a leadership role. Researchers found that AJ in
his relationship felt that he had specific obligations regarding his gender. AJ feels that as
a man, he must be able to play a role in the relationship as someone who directs the
relationship, has good financial capabilities, and tries to make the relationship better.
Likewise with RC who also felt that when dating he felt he had to be able to treat his
partner.
" We're still given pocket money, right? For me, I still have pocket money. Usually,
if I want to go, I'd like to give it, but, if I calculate it, it's for me, so how about a split
bill, for example? Can it be for me alone, just me? I feel that guys have to pay for
the girls too, so I pay for them” (VB_RC_01_234-237)
b. Values attached to both genders
The relationship in dating is a relationship that is established by two individuals who have
different values, but even so there are also shared values that have similarities caused by
other factors. AJ said that anyone in a relationship can set the boundaries that will later
be applied in the relationship. RC also stated that each partner must provide mutual
benefits, but not limited to what form.
“[…] So if today's teenagers want to date, no one forbids them, there aren't any
people who tell them to. It's just that I also think that in dating, eee, apart from
earlier there is the same foundation for the goal, in my opinion, there must also be
someone who holds it, you know. Must determine the boundaries of the circle. It's
free, it's like being in a circle, it's like running, you want free kicks as long as we
have a circle of boundaries where we date like that. At least that's it."
(VB_AJ_02_342-351)
"The point is that it's clear that dating is about mutualism, so it's like we have to
benefit each other. Well, um, so yeah, I hope that what I give is like that in return. I
don't know if it's in the form of eee or what, it could be material or it could be non-
material. I don't know what kind of attention it takes, I don't know what it is, anyway,
basically everything is a feeling that supports our relationship. […]”
(VB_RC_02_11-20)
Regarding the values attached to both genders, there is also a feeling of reluctance to
refuse or a desire to comply with requests from partners as conveyed by AV.
"Because I feel that sometimes I really demand a lot right, whereas he is the typical
person who is busy he likes to do many things, I am demanding a lot I want to be
given a lot of attention I also want him to be the one who annoys me, he is typical
those who are already dating have to be like that, right, we go our separate ways,
so yes, I've said that before, Chel was like that, but he's trying to do that, to make it
sound like it's okay, it means he also wants to follow my way of dating too”
(VB_AV_02_206-211)
The values attached to both genders are also related to a feeling of "must". Obligation
can be seen as a form of being responsible for the values espoused, both for men and
women. Based on MN's speech, he must be able to know, understand, tolerate, and accept
the shortcomings of his partner. The feeling of necessity also appears in relationships in
relationships as MN added that the problems that occur between him and his partner must
be resolved immediately.
“Ummm… dating is ee eemmm in my opinion dating is ee eemmm an emm… a
relationship that brings together two living things where courtship aims for them to
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get to know each other, understand each other, eee eemmm tolerate each other
before finally deciding on the next level. more serious." (VB_MN_01_28-31)
"umm... I'm the type of guy who if there's a problem I want to solve it right away,
now while he's the type that when he's emotional or in a bad mood, ummm he asks
for alone time first" (VB_MN_01_244-246)
c. Values based on religion and custom
One of the reasons that influence the values in dating that are adhered to is religion and
custom. These values are manifested in the form of behavior that appears and the
decisions that are made. Specifically, AJ said that he still applies the same dating style
regardless of his partner's religion.
"Hmm, what's that, but I don't think my current boyfriend doesn't, even though I'm
of the same religion, I don't really feel like it's something that has a significant effect,
you know. It doesn't seem to have a significant effect. I feel like my dating style is
still the same as before, like there's no barrier, no barrier, no smooth sailing."
(VB_AJ_02_160-164)
AJ also mentioned that he had a relationship that ended due to caste differences. Caste
differences cause the relationship to end because the family of one partner does not agree.
“[…] Incidentally, his family seems like his religion is so rigid, you know, it's like
it's sacred, you know. So yes, because on the basis of religion, it's like a commotion,
you know, because it's really at the same time as the procession of his father rising
to become Pedande. So one big family is like noise. Then I said it was like I wasn't
given it so I didn't continue to be afraid of continuing like that. So it's really over."
(VB_AJ_ 02_119-139)
Great Parental Involvement
a. Openness to family
Family is one of the closest environment that has many roles in everyday life. Even
though establishing new relationships with new people and people who are not part of the
family, the researchers found that each respondent communicated the relationship that
was established in the family, whether it was father, mother, or other siblings.
"Ohh yeah...yes.. it's like if it's from my parents, what are my parents more into,
yeah, I'm more flexible, that's what it means like I'm the one who goes on like me...
I'm the one that's happiness I'm like that, it's just that my parents like to give me the
boundaries like that. You have to know how far the relationship goes like that, what's
okay or not, at least it's just a reminder. But from my parents' point of view, I don't
seem to interfere too much, you have to be like this, I have to be like that, what's
important is that there are boundaries, but from my boyfriend, because of what, my
girlfriend is a girl, so she's also close to her mother, so it's like quite often, like eee,
for example, because they also often confide, so, eee, quite often my boyfriend asks
for opinions on how to build a relationship with his parents like that."
(VB_AJ_01_266-275)
"No, I just want to tell a story, if he responds, it's like yes, I don't really respond to
responses, I just want to tell a story" (VB_RC_01_273-274)
"Often, I also feel very secure with him because maybe I think he can already
understand me like that, because maybe our age difference is not too far compared
to my mother's compared to my mother's age" (VB_AV_02_333-335)
The form of openness to family expressed by respondents was telling stories about things
that were experienced while dating, asking for opinions, and introducing partners.
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"When umm, after MOS, I often went out with him, then hey, I told my mother that I
liked her. Then I asked my mom, is it okay if I date? Then at first mom was surprised
because I said I wanted to date. It's like he doesn't expect that when I'm already big
and already understand about dating like that hahahaa. Then, yes, I talked to my
mother, until finally she was allowed to, but it can't interfere with the lessons and
also the grades” (VB_JT_01_197-202)
"It's the same with my girlfriend's mother, I know her because I used to often pick
up my boyfriend to school, umm, all the time, because I like being together and have
been friends with me since elementary school, so I already know that"
(VB_JT_01_237-239)
b. Parents provide support in the relationship
Parental involvement in dating relationships is not limited to how partners convey their
relationship. Parents of respondents who know that the respondent is in a relationship or
has a girlfriend provide a lot of support in the form of information that is needed and must
be applied in establishing a relationship, which can be in the form of advice about doing
something, consideration in making decisions, or values. certain must-haves for one
partner.
"Ohh yeah...yes.. it's like if it's from my parents, what are my parents more into,
yeah, I'm more flexible, that's what it means like I'm the one who goes on like me...
I'm the one that's happiness I'm like that, it's just that my parents like to give me the
boundaries like that. You have to know how far the relationship goes like that, what's
okay or not, at least it's just a reminder. But from my parents' point of view, I don't
seem to interfere too much, you have to be like this, I have to be like that, what's
important is that there are boundaries, but from my boyfriend, because of what, my
girlfriend is a girl, so she's also close to her mother, so it's like quite often, like eee,
for example, because they also often confide, so, eee, quite often my boyfriend asks
for opinions on how to build a relationship with his parents like that."
(VB_AJ_01_266-275)
"I don't know, it's just like dad told me to" (VB_RC_01_239)
"Hey, I was the one who made the decision first, I just suggested that you already
want to go to college when you want to be with a guy who doesn't want to take care
of his future like that, and he too. I also learned from my sister's experience while
dating. There have been experiences like this, too. my brother also decided”
(VB_AV_02_367-370)
"Um... I went to Mom once when I was having a fight , then Mom said, be patient,
the name is also a woman, give her some time first" (VB_MN_01_181-182)
"So after that we talked with each other as men, then I really remember Papa saying
that looking for a girlfriend, you can't just look at physical beauty, but the most
important thing is to be beautiful at heart and spiritually, that's what he said. Then
we were asked about religion too and luckily my boyfriend and I are both
Christians." (VB_JT_01_204-213)
In addition to providing support in the form of information, parents also provide
emotional support to the relationships that their children have in the form of various
responses and comments regarding their partners who do not disgrace or directly make
decisions regarding the child's relationship.
"Because we just called this one A, A, he often plays at home, right, so then there
are some traits that maybe I don't realize right, if for example it's something bad or
negative, my mother will definitely be aware, At that time, I was really in love, so I
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was blind, that's what he said, he likes to say things like that, I think it's okay, but
according to my mother, it's no longer good, so she likes to say I'm stupid, what did
I actually think I'm stupid too It's just what's really a joke but it's often like that and
he's also not very open about this A is with his parents, for example he is playing at
home just sitting down and eating him without any preamble as if he wants to say
hello to people at home he rarely used to say that I had to tell him to do that while
my mother was more sensitive, she always seemed to be talking, how come this
person A never greets me at home and just sits down, how come he often talks about
you being an idiot, like this, like this, no? I want something that is not appropriate,
my mother never said that to you when she said that” (VB_AV_02_265-277)
"Umm, maybe it's different, Mom. Eeee, my mom already knew my boyfriend from
elementary school because she already knew my friends too. If my dad works, how
come I don't know about my friends at school. So at first I thought I suspected that
mom must have told dad, so eee daddy teased me like cie cie in me. Then papa asked
to see the photo, then I showed him. Then I asked my dad, “how are you doing?
beautiful or not?" keep papa say "yes beautiful". [...] Then daddy gave me advice
about what you can't do and what you can do when you're dating.” (VB_JT_01_204-
213)
"Just fine... just fine, like I've never even heard of negative things like oh Ajib, how
come A is ugly like that, how come Ajib is ugly in nature, I've never heard of anything
like that because maybe ...I don't know maybe there actually is because I think
everyone has flaws, right, maybe in terms of communication as well...my girlfriend
is also good at delivering it so it's like...like there's nothing bad about it."
(VB_AJ_01_303-307)
Intense Togetherness
Based on the utterances of the respondents, the researcher found that there was
intense togetherness between partners as a form of experience in dating. This intense
togetherness is shown through physical activity, communication, even intimate contact
between the two partners.
a. Often do activities together
Doing joint activities in a relationship can be a common activity, but in a dating
relationship the activities carried out are slightly different. Based on the statements of the
respondents, there are various types of activities that are carried out together, but they
have a high frequency so they can be called intense such as eating, hanging out, going to
the movies, playing video games , doing assignments, even sleep-calling (making phone
calls). phone to sleep).
"Eat, um... let's have a date, emmmm, play games together, do chores together, sleep
call" (VB_MN_01_219-220)
"Umm what is it, eee more often going out to eat gusto/massimo ice cream anyway,
then eating together, watching movies if there's something exciting, playing mobile
legends together is just as fun as it is with friends too but. Yes, sometimes I also go
to the beach like that” (VB_JT_01_180-182)
"Usually I mostly eat together hanging out like that" (VB_AV_01_155)
This intense physical activity according to AJ and RC is one way to show the quality of
a relationship, as well as a way to improve the quality of a dating relationship.
"Um, what's it because for the last few months, it seems like I don't often have LDR,
it seems far away, so it's like eee, I have the principle of quality over longevity, so
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how do you do it, eee, how can communication or meetings be as short as possible,
I can have that quality compared to the long ones, but like boring like that. So it's
like... what if you say they're close, maybe the meetings aren't as intense as they
always meet, but how can each meeting be of that quality?” (VB_AJ_01_172-177)
"What if I and my boyfriend do we like quality time that doesn't seem to be doing
anything like that, so for example, um, I'm busy too, for example, this date is from 1
to 2 o'clock, if he's in Bali, it's like we've eaten together at home I was like that for
an hour, it's over. For example, if we are far away together, like if I'm on a break,
he's on a break, it's like a phone call, how many 15 minutes, just like chatting, how
about our day like that. At most, it's like telling stories more often, telling how the
day went like that." (VB_AJ_01_205-211)
“Um, most of all, eat… eat, go to tourist spots, like natural tourism, like going to
the beach or something like that. Eat..beach..what else... watch...walk as usual
anyway" (VB_AJ_01_216-218)
b. Frequent communication
Communicating is also a part of a relationship, but in a dating relationship,
communication becomes more frequent and much can be seen from the things that
are communicated. Researchers found that the communication carried out by
couples in dating relationships includes trivial incidents in everyday life to all
events experienced in one day, both joy and sorrow.
"I like it when eee what eee I said earlier that I'm a person for quality time actually
I'm not a person who talks a lot or anything so it's like the thing that I like the most
is when the two of us are there even though we seem to be doing our own activities.
So, for example, right now it's LDR, so let's make a video call, but if you do it, you
study, it's up to you what you want, I also want to learn, where I want to go, it's up
to you. The important thing is, what do we look like, we just meet each other like
that, what do we do with each other, we just present each other like that at that
time." (VB_AJ_02_71-77)
"Yes, actually the name of dating, we don't have to be there 24/7 for him. What do
you mean, for example… are you still in school, you have to know about school
together, so chat a little bit, in the middle, on the sidelines, when he comes home
from school he has time to do that earlier… we tell each other The point is, he's
never angry, if it's impossible, in one day we don't have time for him or vice versa,
never for a full day either, I've never been like that” (VB_RC_01_364-370)
“What makes me comfortable, eeem… what makes me comfortable, I feel
comfortable when I can share anything with that person” (VB_MN_02_50-51)
The form of communication that is done can also be said to be intense through the
quality of the conversations that are carried out. Several respondents mentioned that
they discussed future relationships such as wanting to get married.
“Yes, we have a goal of getting married” (VB_MN_02_559)
"The thought is definitely I think I will be with him later, grow old together like that,
get married like that" (VB_AV_01_139-140)
“Often, sometimes it's like I'm having a discussion with my girlfriend, right? So, if
we get married, how does it look like our wedding dream, what does it look like,
what does our family dream look like, how many ideal children do we have? It's
pretty frequent, but like… like it's not a plan, what's standard is that you're just
talking for fun, but quite often, it's like thinking about cake like that.”
(VB_AJ_01_282_232)
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c. Sexual activity
Sexual activity refers to physical touching of sexual parts. Based on the statements of the
respondents, their physical activity in dating also involved kissing, hugging, and having
sexual intercourse.
"Kiss ever, eee yes I said never got there." (VB_AJ_02_205)
"Hmm, yes, that's what I said before, do that relationship." (VB_RC_02_337)
"Respondents bowed their heads down and tried not to stare at the researcher then
gave a hand code sign that they had had sexual intercourse." (FN_RC_02_51-52)
"In my opinion, sexual intercourse is what we penetrate, right? I haven't gotten there
at all, at least I just kissed" (VB_AV_02_83-84)
"How come you're being asked... how come you're being asked again, it's the lips "
(VB_MN_02_277)
" The respondent pointed his hand to his lips to let him know that he had kissed his
partner on the lips" (FN_MN_02_54-55)
"Eee hug anyway" (VB_JT_02_104)
Regarding having intimate contact, according to AJ, this is done as a form of affection
for a partner.
"If I looked at this eee at that time, from what I felt and I looked at it, an activity like
that, eee, could feel two things like that. What can you feel if you say yes. If roughly
speaking, you can feel being naughty, you can feel affection like that, do you think
it's limited to me being smart, when I feel something naughty, I do it or that thing as
my expressive way too when I love you. Yes, I have to fulfill that one, because if it's
based on naughty feelings, what do I think it's like, the activity also seems to be
reckless, just like that, okay, what's important is what I want to get like that. That's
it." (VB_AJ_02_208-214)
In contrast to AJ, where the behavior that appears has intention, RC states that sexual
relations are carried out because they are carried away. RC also said that after he did there
were changes that were felt which affected his relationship.
“Hmmm, yes, that was the process, at first it was kissing like that, then yes, the hands
usually move like that, then actually they weren't rejected either. Then, I started to
be brave like taking off (lifting) my clothes like that until… well, I finally got carried
away like that, until I finally did the process.” (VB_RC_02_197-200)
"Yes, what did you think because of… yes, in my opinion, it violated the existing
norms too, but after that the thoughts were more… how do you think… hmm,
thinking, yes, that's wrong. But what is it that makes him feel stuck in the
relationship? That's how it is too, more in that direction." (VB_RC_02_247-250)
Furthermore, AV and JT said that the reason they kissed with their partner was curiosity.
"I don't know, because the first one is definitely curiosity, even though I've done that
before, but this is with a different person, right? it's with him, so it's like there's no
coercion at all in this kiss, it's like that, but if it's him himself he never reaches
anything that leads to a gesture towards the person having sexual intercourse,
there's nothing” (VB_AV_02_84-90)
"Eee, I don't know either sis, like I want to know and all of a sudden it's like that. So
okay. Eee, the problem is that in movies, friends tell stories, so usually kisses are on
the lips, right? So yeah, I'll just follow it." (VB_JT_02_151-152)
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Giving Change
a. perceived negative changes
Having a dating relationship can be said to be a special relationship because it is only
between two people. The special relationship between these two people can have an
impact on other relationships that have been forged before, such as friendship. Based on
the researchers' findings, there is a feeling of jealousy that arises from one partner when
his partner is close to a friend of the opposite sex, or when he is too busy with his own
activities.
"Yes, how about it, actually it's the same as wanting to date for a long time, dating
for a while, like sometimes he's jealous" (VB_RC_01_307-308)
"Eeee... I sometimes feel jealous, for example, if he has ever been in a chat with his
ex like that" (VB_MN_02_98-99)
"Beeh, a lot sis. Well, my boyfriend sometimes gets jealous, especially when I play
or chat and laugh so much, sis. Umm then he likes to get annoyed too if I take too
long to reply to his chat, later it can be annoying for days or even. [...]”
(VB_JT_02_28-32)
The emergence of this feeling of jealousy causes a change in the interaction that is carried
out by one partner with the people around him, especially with them. One partner
becomes forbidden to interact with his friends.
"The negative impact may be less time spent with friends," (VB_MN_01_269-270)
"Yes, the toxicity is more over possessive. Exaggerating is like eee… you can't, for
example, talk to other guys like that” (VB_MN_02_576,582-583)
"Yes, it's still within reasonable limits, in that case, in my opinion, if for example I
don't give him permission, I'm jealous because for example I'm playing but I didn't
say it before but I said when I was asked like before for example, but if I talk later
tonight I want to play with this this continues, there's a girl, then I explain why he's
playing, who he's invited to, if I talk to him before playing, it doesn't matter, but if,
for example, I'm playing and then I'm asked that, then he'll respond, how come he
doesn't say he's playing” (VB_RC_01_317 -322)
Based on the respondents' speech, the researcher also found that the perceived negative
changes were caused by conflict. According to AJ's story, AJ felt that he experienced a
change in attitude after experiencing a conflict with his partner.
"Yes, as long as you tell me, he doesn't mind, if what matters is the permit, it's like
telling him something, etc. But right now I feel like “oh it turns out I wasn't a jealous
person back then, after he did that to me, I did that to him too, that's it. I was like
'it's okay', since she's part of the student council, it's only natural for her to do this
and that, make events and she makes them with male friends, like that. Because he
understands, so I also understand, so we understand each other.” Well, my
girlfriend (formerly) was toxic, but she used to be overprotective, so I was brought
up to be toxic too, so it's like that too” (VB_RC_02_314-321)
b. Feeling positive changes
Based on the statements of the respondents, there were things that became new
experiences which were only felt after having a girlfriend or only when having a
boyfriend. This change is manifested in new positive feelings or only felt when having a
girlfriend, as stated by each respondent.
“[…] Then the second one, maybe from a mental perspective, I feel healthier,
because it's like I'm not doing anything alone, in the sense that when I'm having a
hard time, I have someone to accompany me. Even if I'm happy there's a place for
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me like that. So it's like this, I'm afraid, oh, I'm really afraid that I'll be remed up for
the exam, but after I have a boyfriend, it's okay, how come I'm remed like that? like
that because... because if I experience something bad I can share it with people like
that it can be reduced by half, you feel like the burden is like being mentally healthier
because there are people like me... I share their complaints like that. Then what
else… maybe eee… emm… maybe those are the two points of the positive impact
that I feel the most.” (VB_AJ_01_357-376)
"Sometimes if you're positive, you're happier, especially now that it's started, now
it's just starting to go offline again, and when you go to school, you want to meet
him, so at least it makes me excited to come and meet at school, then he also likes
asking me to study like that doesn't just play, he reminds me to limit playing time,
that's the positive side I think" (VB_RC_01_206-210)
"The positive thing is that there is enthusiasm, so what if I do activities every day,
I'm enthusiastic, I'm excited, what's the impact, he also helps me so I can keep
moving forward" (VB_AV_01_171-173)
"So automatically I have more motivation too, so yes the positive impact is that I'm
happier and more motivated to live life" (VB_MN_01_265-266)
"Umm what is it, if it's positive then there's encouragement sis." (VB_JT_02_18)
Couples Conflict
Conflict in a relationship is unavoidable, especially if the individuals in the relationship
have very different characteristics. Based on the respondents' speeches, the researcher
found that there were conflicts that occurred between couples, whether in the form of
conflicts in communication or conflicts between behaviors. These conflicts are caused by
a number of things, but from this existence it always gives rise to certain communications
and behaviors.
a. Misscommunication is the cause of conflict
Researchers found that conflict in couples occurs when there is a discrepancy in
the desires or expectations between the two partners, as told by RC regarding
disagreements due to differences of opinion.
"Yes, once because of a difference of opinion, for example, I want to... continue to
fight, actually it's not a big fight, for example, I want to eat this and then he, then
for example one of them loses at that time I lose but I don't eat too much, right? I
really want him to be like that cranky and angry like that” (VB_RC_01_325-328)
RC's speech indicates that disputes that occur can be caused by even trivial things, which
JT also mentioned.
"That's it sis. Even though that's a really trivial problem, right, but it can get really
big later so it's a long fight anyway sis." (VB_JT_02_28-32)
When disputing, each partner also raises a form of communication in an effort to solve
problems or deal with problems that are going on between the two people.
"Usually both of them calm down first, but I usually answer when he is curt, that's
too lazy, right? I actually didn't really want to eat there just because you wanted to
so we went there, usually when I'm done eating on the way, I'll take you home”
(VB_RC_01_330-334)
"Yeah, I'm forgetful, that's how I usually laugh, I'm emotional right now, but he
responds by laughing like that, so I'm like that, that's it." (VB_AV_01_396-397)
"Well, from the beginning of our relationship, at the beginning of our relationship,
we discussed it like that. For example, if there is a problem, in the future, it's better
if you want to discuss it immediately and finish it or what, so he said if he was like
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that, then he would automatically give me the time first, okay? the two of us
immediately made a decision then if we have a problem okay you shut up first I'll be
waiting" (VB_MN_01_248-252)
"Yeah, sometimes so I don't fight, I'm sorry. But sometimes if I'm really annoyed, I
just let it go back. So you just sit there like you're cosplaying as a statue."
(VB_JT_01_175-176)
b. Conflict has various impacts
The occurrence of conflict in couples in addition to bringing negative changes as
mentioned earlier also has other impacts, whether in the form of changes in behavior or
perceived values. AV mentioned that after experiencing conflicts with her partner, she
felt that she should not pursue men too much in the sense of wanting a relationship with
a specific person too much.
“Hey, with A, where I feel like I don't have self-esteem anymore, why am I even
chasing him like that, because I don't think it's appropriate for a girl to chase a guy
like me and then I feel I think my self-esteem really dropped because at that time I
helped him a lot” (VB_AV_02_149-152)
Based on MN's story, his partner was concerned about the lack of time together which
then led to conflict. The occurrence of this conflict causes a change in the behavior of the
couple. According to MN's story, the couple from MN chose to stop communicating for
a while and did their own things to improve their mood. Based on this, it can be seen that
MN applies problem focused coping in solving different problems with their partners who
apply emotional focused coping.
"Yeah, that's all right... right from there, the conflict first got into a fight for a while,
he asked someone to understand, so I wanted to be alone first, so I said I also wanted
to be together, because yesterday I had time, right? I miss him, I'm with him right,
so I fought and then he said yes, if I miss him, I said don't make a fight, it's normal,
it's okay, and I don't mean that, I said it like that, then in the end, finally, okay? ... I
told him to be there first, then if you're in a good mood, come back here again like
that, okay, he's done the things he wants to do first to get his mood back, okay, I've
been waiting for him” ( VB_MN_02_322-329)
JT also experienced the same thing, namely feeling disturbed in carrying out daily life
when experiencing conflict with a partner.
"Yeah, sis, sometimes when you're fighting, you can't focus on doing anything.
Because I'm already too lazy” (VB_JT_02-22-23)
"Yes, as long as you tell me, he doesn't mind, if what matters is the permit, it's like
telling him something, etc. But right now I feel like “oh it turns out I wasn't a jealous
person back then, after he did that to me, I did that to him too, that's it. I was like
'it's okay', since she's part of the student council, it's only natural for her to do this
and that, make events and she makes them with male friends, like that. Because he
understands, so I also understand, so we understand each other.” Well, my
girlfriend (formerly) was toxic, but she used to be overprotective, so I was brought
up to be toxic too, so it's like that too” (VB_RC_02_314-321)
This study aims to explore the experiences felt by individuals who are in a dating
relationship. Based on the results of data processing, the researcher found that there were
seven main themes related to dating experiences including: 1) The dynamics of
interaction before establishing a relationship, 2) The meaning of the presence of a
boyfriend, 3) Values held in relationships, 4) Parents have a large involvement, 5) Intense
togetherness, 6) Providing change, and 7) Dynamics of conflict between partners. In this
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chapter, the researcher examines the findings of the main theme based on the theory and
results of previous research.
Dynamics of Interaction Before Establishing a Relationship
According to DeGenova and Rice (in Khairani, Rachmatan, Sari, & Soraiya, 2017),
dating is a relationship that is established by two people who carry out a series of activities
together in the process. In establishing the relationship, there are various kinds of
processes, including before the relationship is established. This study found that there is
a form of attraction, a certain process, and specific criteria that must be met by a partner
in choosing a partner. According to Barhana and Büyükşahin-Sunal (2015), this process
prior to establishing a relationship is referred to as a preference strategy in initiating
romantic relationships. There are three types of preferences in establishing a relationship,
namely direct, indirect, and passive. These differences in preferences affect the things
that are done to be able to start a relationship. Another view is presented by Sakalli-
Ugurlu (2003) which states that in the process of initiating romantic relationships, men
have a high level of dominance and assertiveness, which women respond well to this
assertiveness. These findings explain how the process of approaching men, either directly
or indirectly, can generate reciprocal feelings given by women which then becomes the
reason for starting a relationship together. The process of attraction to the opposite sex to
initiate a relationship is also rooted in the basic theory of individual needs, namely the
need for interaction (need for affiliation) (Baron Barnscome, & Byrne, 2008). This need
makes individuals initiate a relationship through the criteria they like to establish warm
interpersonal relationships and gain acceptance from others.
Meaning of Boyfriend's Presence
This study found that girlfriends are a positive presence for both men and women
because they evoke positive feelings while living it. Based on the findings from research
by Braithwaite, Delevi, and Fincham (2010) and Ramsey and Gentzler (2015) , romantic
partners can provide social support and a sense of friendship, both of which can bring out
these positive feelings. Research by Beckmeyer and Cromwell, (2019) also states that
individuals in a romantic relationship have a higher life expectancy rate where it is
reported that those who do not have a romantic partner feel lonely compared to those who
have a romantic partner. Another study by Shulman and Scharf (2000) stated that
adolescents in a romantic relationship involve feelings and emotions more in their daily
lives when compared to adolescents who are not in a romantic relationship. The existence
of feelings of loneliness and the tendency to involve these feelings indicates that it would
be appropriate if in a dating relationship which is a romantic relationship, each partner
would interpret the presence of the other as something that has a positive meaning.
Values Adopted In Relationships
Based on the results of the analysis, it was found that experience in dating has
certain values that are adhered to in a relationship. In general, there are assumptions or
stereotypes attached to certain gender roles. According to Darwin (1999) , gender
stereotypes that are rooted in the concept of masculinity and femininity are attached to
various individual characteristics such as character, role behavior, occupation, physical
appearance, and sexual orientation. This gender stereotype is attached to men in dating
relationships related to the behavior of their role as a man. Respondents said that as men
they have a feeling of obligation to be able to direct relationships and give good things to
their female partners. According to Carroll, Badger, Willoughby, Nelson, Madsen, and
McNamara Barry (2009) and Willoughby and James (2017) , it is common for individuals
in their late teens and early adulthood to perceive marriage as a goal. The need for men
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to be able to direct relationships is related to the concept of fatherhood and the role of the
father in a family which must be able to provide affection, care for, and provide financial
support (Darwin, 1999; Harmaini, Shofiah, & Yulianti, 2015). Based on these findings, it
can be said that it is natural for men in a relationship to have mandatory values that also
aim to bring the relationship to a better direction. In addition to gender, religion and
customs also affect values in dating where these values can be reflected through decision
making and behavior in dating. One form of decision-making experienced by AJ is that
he still applies the same dating style regardless of his partner's religion and who has
experienced a relationship ending because of caste differences. Based on research
conducted by Selarani, Punia, and Nugroho (2018) regarding the phenomenon of dating
with different religions, it was found that the conflicts experienced by couples who date
different religions are inner conflicts, as well as conflicts with family members. Inner
conflicts in couples who date different religions, such as fear or lack of self-confidence
which results in doubts, conflicts with family members in the form of fears if one of the
family members converts religion.
Great Parental Involvement
The fourth theme found in this study is that parents have a large involvement in
their child's dating relationship , which takes the form of children's openness through
communication and the role of parents in providing support in the form of information
that children must apply in their relationship. From these results, it can also be said that
parents who know that their child is involved in a dating relationship, will communicate
various things related to their child's behavior during dating as well as judgments and
suggestions about what is and is not allowed to do. Research by Munawaroh, (2012) states
that the intensity of communication that occurs between parents and children has a role
in reducing the tendency for premarital sex. Premarital sex which is indicated through
sexual activity is considered as a common thing in dating relationships (Rusmiati &
Hastono, 2015) . In addition, parents also play a role in helping children go through
developmental crises to be able to direct children's emotional traits to have a positive
impact (Peter, 2015) . Based on previous studies, communication and intense involvement
between children and parents can affect the tendency of premarital sex behavior in
children's dating relationships. The role of parents in their child's dating relationship is to
teach positive things so that they can help children develop in a better direction, one of
which is by instilling positive values in dating as mentioned by the respondents.
Intense Togetherness
This study found that in dating relationships that are forged by teenagers, there is
an intense togetherness which is shown by frequent joint activities and continuous
communication. Conceptually, Karsner (2001) explains that there are four components of
a quality romantic relationship: trust each other, communicate yourself, keep the romance
alive, and increase commitment. Trust each other relates to giving each other a sense of
trust regarding the relationship that is being undertaken. Communicate yourself is to
communicate about things that are experienced in relationships. Keep the romance alive
is implementing efforts to continue to live a relationship that is reflected through physical
and emotional closeness. Increase commitment is reassuring partners about commitment
at the beginning of a relationship, such as establishing a similar relationship with other
people. Based on these components, the intense togetherness expressed by the
respondents is a reflection of efforts to improve the quality of relationships. Physical
activity carried out by respondents is related to things that are considered to improve the
quality of relationships, such as doing assignments together, going to the movies together,
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eating together, and so on. This physical activity is included in the keep the romance alive
component , namely efforts that are actually made related to having a relationship to
improve the quality of the relationship itself. Communication that is continuously carried
out by giving each other good news from so-called trivial problems to discussing
something serious, is part of communicate yourself which besides improving the quality
of the relationship can also reduce the emergence of disputes due to miscommunication.
Research related to sexual activity is discussed in research by Kontula and Haavio-
Mannila (2009) which states that one of the predictors of sexual activity in relationships
is age. This research states that as you get older, you are more likely to engage in sexual
activity, but it is not related to the desire to do so. Based on this, the emergence of sexual
activity which is also marked by curiosity could be the result of getting older and simply
wanting to experience new things. In addition, Furman and Collins, (2007) also explained
that activity in romantic relationships is synonymous with the expression of love and
sexual activity.
Giving Change
The results of this research analysis found the sixth theme, namely dating
relationships cause changes in individuals, both positive and negative changes. Changes
felt by partners can be caused by the quality of the relationship itself. Relationship quality
refers to the level related to intimacy, affection, and nurturing that is manifested by
partners (Collins, Welsh, & Furman, 2009) . The quality of different relationships will
cause different impacts. According to (Galliher, Welsh, Rostosky, and Kawaguchi 2004)
, signs of a low-quality relationship are irritation, antagonistic behavior, and prolonged
conflict or controlling behavior on one side. These negative experiences will certainly
bring about changes that will also have a negative impact on one or both partners, for
example, if there is always conflict, feelings of discomfort and disturbance will arise in
carrying out daily life, as expressed by MN. Relationships with low quality also cause a
variety of other negative changes. Conversely, if the quality of the relationship is at a high
level then it will bring positive changes as well.
Couples Conflict
On the theme of conflict between spouses, it is known that the cause of conflict is
due to miscommunication, where the conflict has various impacts. Not only in dating
relationships that are not legally bound, but also in marriage relationships. This is
supported by research conducted by Manna, Doriza, and Oktaviani (2021) which states
that one of the factors that causes the end of a marriage relationship is bad
communication. The same results were also found by Puspitawati, Mauliddina, Aliffia,
Kusumawardani, and Amalia (2021) who stated that problems in communication
remained a factor in the high divorce rate during the Covid-19 pandemic. Even though
conflict doesn't always lead to the end of a relationship, it is certain that poor
communication between partners will lead to more conflict than conducive
communication.
Another impact of the conflict is related to the way of resolution that is adapted to
resolve the conflict that is happening. There are differences in behavior that arise in an
effort to resolve a conflict. Based on the respondents' answers, male respondents in this
study prioritized direct problem solving, compared to women who prioritized the
emotional impact of disputes. This difference can be explained through the theory of
unequally involved relationships , namely that there may be an imbalance of involvement
in relationships (Sprecher Schmeeckle, and Felmlee, 2006) . The results of research by
Le and Agnew (2001) found that couples with equal involvement in the relationship had
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higher levels of positive emotions and lower negative emotions than those whose
involvement was unequal. This is the reason why when there is conflict in a relationship,
the efforts made may only be heavy on one side, as said by MN. Another cause for this
to happen is the difference in the couple regarding the approach to the problem being
carried out. Moret-Tatay, Beneyto-Arrojo, Laborde-Bois, Martínez-Rubio, and Senent-
Capuz (2016) revealed that women tend to do emotion-focused coping compared to men,
but their level of psychological well-being is lower than men. Lipińska-Grobelny (2011)
also found the same thing that masculinity is more synonymous with problem-focused
coping than emotion-focused coping . This finding explains why MN can focus more on
solving problems in the relationship directly while their partner prefers to calm down for
a while.
CONCLUSION
Several obstacles and obstacles encountered during the process of compiling this
research led to limitations in the research. The research which was carried out in the midst
of the Covid-19 pandemic made it difficult to carry out the observation process due to the
use of masks and maintaining distance during data collection. The use of masks and dis-
tance restrictions made it difficult for researchers to see the expressions of respondents
and details related to behavior when respondents answered interview questions.
The dynamics of interaction before the relationship begins with attraction to certain
criteria and initiation which is dominated by men. Interest can arise because of human
nature that requires interaction. The presence of a girlfriend is interpreted positively be-
cause it can provide social support and a sense of friendship. Men adhere to the value of
having to direct relationships and give good things to partners because of gender stereo-
types and the concept of masculinity. Great parental involvement in support and instilling
positive values when dating because parents want to help their children to continue to
develop. Intense togetherness shown by frequent joint activities and continuous commu-
nication as an effort to improve the quality of the relationship. Providing positive change
which is marked by high relationship quality and negative change which is marked by
irritation, discomfort, prolonged conflict. This is influenced by the quality of the relation-
ship. Experiencing conflict caused by miscommunication and the existence of conflict
has an impact on differences in ways of solving between partners caused by an imbalance
of involvement and differences in problem approaches.
Teenagers are advised to be more open to family and those closest to them. Teen-
agers also need to get rid of the taboo of asking parents, teachers or experts about sexual
issues. Future researchers are expected to be able to find out the factors that influence the
emergence of sexual activity in adolescent romantic relationships related to the influence
of the surrounding culture and the values espoused. Then, the next researcher needs to
establish rapport more than 2 meetings outside of discussing the research topic, so that
the research subjects feel comfortable telling stories, especially because matters relating
to sexual behavior in dating are quite sensitive. Future researchers are also advised to
interview the subject's significant others to obtain more comprehensive data, because sig-
nificant others can reveal things that the respondent might not disclose.
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